I am finally sitting down to write something for the month of October. Our family has been a little busy over the last few weeks. It has been a good thing to keep moving forward. Almost 6 months have passed since Emma-Grace's death. Actually it has been almost 9 months since she first started having seizures. February 10. In my heart- that is really the day we lost her. It is hard to believe that much time has passed. Time goes by so quickly. My heartache gets a little better as each day passes. I still find myself crying at times. I am sure that will always be the case. When we were in the hospital it was so hard for me to think of Emma-Grace well and healthy. That's when the tears would come. Now I want to remember her as a beautiful, energetic little "mess" of a girl that kept us laughing daily. The tears come now when I remember what her little body had to endure before God called her home. As a nurse of many years, who has seen a lot of "bad" things, it still is hard for me to think of all of the complications Emma's little body fought against.
The truth is- life is hard and painful at times. Adversity can "break us or make us". I can say with all certainty that the Carpenter family has had our share of difficult times. We have found that it has been during those times that we have not only become a stronger family but have all grown tremendously in our faith. The devil would like for adversity to break our spirit. For many people it often does. God however can use those times of pain and suffering as a tool to launch us into a period of meaning and purpose if we only let Him.
The Bible says "All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28 NKJV Are we to conclude from this verse that everything is going to be perfect if we are a Christian? We can look all around us and see that is not the case. Bad things happen to good people all of the time. In the Bible there are many examples of God's children who suffered. There are stories of Christians who were stoned to death, beheaded and even crucified. It would be easy to think how could a loving God allow His children to suffer and in many cases die? I don't even pretend to know the answer to why God's children have to face suffering.
God wants much more for us than a life that is problem free or "perfect". We all are made by God with a purpose in mind. Often times it takes adversity for us to realize what God desires for our life. If we allow Him to, God can use difficulties to not only make us stronger but also make the people around us stronger. Adversity is one of God's most effective tools in changing lives. Difficulties may be the way God draws us and others to Him. He uses adversity to "grow us spiritually".
I am currently reading a book by Charles Stanley called, "How to Handle Adversity." I wanted to share a passage from the book.
"The degree to which we desire to grow spiritually corresponds to our ability to handle adversity successfully. Men or women who are only marginally interest in maturing as Christians will have a difficult time with adversity. Their tendency will be to blame God and become bitter. Instead of seeing adversity as something God is trying to do for them, they will see it as something He is doing to them. It is all a matter or priority and perspective. If our priorities are ease, comfort, and pleasure, we will have little tolerance for adversity. We will see it as an interruption rather than a part of God's plan for us. But when we allow God to shape our priorities, adversity takes on a whole new meaning. We see it as an integral part of what God is doing in our lives. We begin to understand that adversity is sometimes a means to greater joy and peace. We don't panic and assume God has forgotten about us. Rather, we can rejoice. Why? Because God is in the process of bringing about another good in our life."
I will be honest and say that I have on more than one occasion questioned why God would bring Emma-Grace into our lives only to take her away. As I have said before, I don't pretend to know the answer to that question. As her mom I can't even begin to explain the pain that comes when I remember holding her as she took her last few breaths. I have found that the people who seem to understand my heartache the best are people who have also lost a child. I remind myself daily that my God understands my sorrow because He also lost a child. In fact He not only lost His child, but He gave His child to die for my sins. I know my Savior not only knows how I feel but He "feels" my hurts.
While here on earth I know I will probably never fully understand Emma-Grace's death. What I do know is that while she was here, she changed our family in the best of ways. I know that this beautiful ray of sunshine effected more people in her 3 1/2 short years than many of us will in our lifetime. And I am certain for years to come, this child will continue to change lives even though she is no longer here because our family and those who knew her were forever changed and that will bring about change in those around us.
Adversity is one of the tools God uses to mold a piece of clay into a piece of pottery. As Christians we are that piece of pottery, that fragile clay pot. If we focus on our heartaches depression is bound to set it. Our despair, our brokenness, our shattered dreams, these are all elements of our jar of clay. None of these things can bring meaning or a sense of value to our lives. The Bible talks about overcoming despair in 2 Corinthians, chapter 4. If we allow God to do a work in us, kept inside that broken, fragile, ordinary jar of clay is a treasure, a priceless treasure of immeasurable worth.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:7-12; 16-18 (NIV)
When we look only at the frail clay pot, despair is the natural result, but when we look at the glorious treasure we hold, we are inwardly renewed day by day. And those adversities and frailties that cause cracks in our clay pot? They are not to be despised, for they now serve a purpose. If we let them they will allow the life of God, our cherished treasure, to seep out for all those around us to see. I pray that through the heartache of losing Emma-Grace I will allow God to mold me into that beautiful jar that will not only renew me day by day, but will spill out His glory to all those around me.
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