BEAUTIFUL MEMORIAL

Emma-Grace's headstone was delivered today.  I am so glad it is finally at the graveyard.  I think it turned out beautifully.  Thanks to Greene's Memorial in Forest City for a great job.  Thanks to Jan Crow, one of my best friends, who was my moral support today as they placed the stone.  I know Emma-Grace is smiling in Heaven.  It think the headstone matches her personality perfectly. 

Today as I reflected on what a blessing Emma-Grace was and how much God has blessed our family through adoption I wanted to share something special.  Our Pastor Rich Hamrick officiated.at Emma's memorial service.  I think he did a wonderful job honoring our precious little girl.  He also talked about adoption and how if we are Christians, God has adopted us into His family.  I won't share the whole service but, I hope he does not mind if I share some thoughts He shared that day.  

PASTOR RICK HAMRICK:

....."The Bible says that those who are in Christ are co-heirs with Christ as sons and daughters of God.  In other words, we who believe in Jesus Christ have been adopted by God.  

 Let me read some verses from Galatians 4.  "When the time had fully come, God sent His son, born of a woman, born under law to redeem those under law that we might receive the full rights of Sons.  Because you are sons, God sent the spirit of His son into our hearts.  The spirit who calls out , " Abba Father".  So, you are no longer a slave, but a son and since you are a son, God has also made you an heir.  Now we didn't deserve this from God and we brought nothing with us and we were also a big risk for God.  Would we love God in return?  Would we rebel against god?  God knew the answeres to this question and He adopted us anyway.  

In his book, The Great House of God, Max Lucado puts it this way.  "Knowing full well the trouble you would be and the price He would pay, He signed His name next to yours and changed your name to His and took you home.  Your Abba adopted you and became your father.  And to that I would add, His blood runs through your veins.  Well, you may say you are not really blood related.  Oh, but yes.  You are.  That is the blood of Jesus Christ that was spilled that you may have this gift of God, that you can claim the bloodline of Jesus.  One of the most beautiful examples of God's love for us.  Without our deserving it, He said, "Would you be my child?  Would you come and live with me?  Can I be your Dad?"

" WHEN LOVE TAKES YOU IN " :  SONG BY STEVEN CURTIS CHAPMAN
SANG BY ABBY HAMRICK AT THE MEMORIAL SERVICE

When love takes you in, everything changes.  And, you know, God does that for us.  He takes us in.  He gives us a home.  He gives us a family, a place to belong.  He say, " This is yours."  He call us to live life and live it to the full.  

I just want to say a few words to the family.  You did everything conceivable.  You efforts were heroic.  I can't tell you how many people marveled at the display of love that you have shown that little girl.  And some may think, "Well she wasn't really theirs", Oh yes.  Oh yes. She was theirs.  She had their love, You did everything that anybody could figure to do and you worked at it.  You were determined.  You prayed.  You spent time with God like maybe you haven't spent time with Him before and you drew close to God......

I have heard people ask, "why didn't the miracle happen?"  Folks, God adopted Emma-Grace as well.  This is a miracle.  God loved her and cared for her that much.  That is a miracle.  Emma-Grace is living with her Savior and that is a miracle.  And she is running around and doing cartwheels and twisting all around in circles all around Jesus, I know right now.  Somebody said she is in the lap of Jesus.  I said, "I don't know if Emma-Grace is in His lap.  I think she is running around."  That is a miracle.  Oh, there have been all kinds of miracles.  Miracle after miracle.  Now we don't have Emma-Grace with us.  That is the miracle that was so desperately wanted.  But God has worked and He has blessed and He is going to. 

PRAYER:  We don't really know what to say God.  It seems terribly unfair.  We can't even begin to make any sense out of this.  Why?  Oh, but God, when we think about how much you love and care for us, when we think about how great and awesome your plans are.  When we think you are so wise and mighty that we can't even comprehend.  And then, we imagine Emma-Grace there in your presence and the picture starts to take shape.  We start to get a little bit of an understanding.  But, God, you know that there are so many people in this community, in other communities around us, people all over the world asking right now, "Why?"  God I ask that you bless each person right now who asks that question, to begin to show them the way, to begin to bring comfort to their lives.  Would you show your love as only You can.  And, Lord we pray for your mighty arm of comfort to wrap around this family.  It is hard to imagine how they might overcome this, except we know, the know you.  Thank you for being God.  Thank you for your comfort and your peace.  In Jesus name we pray, Amen. "

Thank you Pastor Rick Hamrick for the beautiful memorial service in honor of our precious Emma-Grace.  Again we thank everyone for the thoughts, prayers, hospital visits, gifts of food, gifts of money, and so many other things that were done on behalf of our precious Emma-Grace and our family during this long difficult road.  We feel so blessed to have such caring, wonderful friends and family. We can't thank you all enough.

WAVES OF GRIEF

Several weeks ago my family and I took a trip to Hilton Head Island. The first few days were very difficult because we all kept thinking about how much Emma-Grace loved the beach and how much we missed her. She would have played in the sand and water all day if you would let her. Even though we were all sad, God reminded us over and over about the wonderful times we had at the beach with Emma in the past. Overall I think getting away as a family was helpful for everyone.  We had a wonderful trip and made some beautiful new memories as a family.

Several days as I sat on the beach I thought about the similarities of grieving and the ebb and flow of the tide. It has been amazing to me how grief affects me at times. It is very much like standing in the ocean. The water can be peaceful and calm and the next thing you know a big wave comes along and plows you down. Sometimes it can even knock the breath out of you. Each day my grief seems to be getting a little easier, but just when I think I have it all under control here comes another wave. It can last a few minutes and involve a just few tears or it can go on for hours and involve crying buckets.

I want to thank everyone for continuing to remember our family in your prayers. This has been by far the hardest thing we have ever faced. Emma-Grace was a gift from God. As Christians we can say all day long- “everything we have is God’s; including our children”.  We even dedicate our children to God’s service. We did that with Emma-Grace after she came home from China. Actually acknowledging everything is God's is difficult because you know He gives you these "gifts", but you also know that He can take them away.  We knew Emma-Grace was God’s child. We knew He entrusted our family to care for her while she was here on earth. However we could have never dreamed we would have to give her back to Him so soon.

I was telling someone today about how we almost missed the opportunity to have Emma-Grace as a part of our family. The day we were to let the adoption agency know if we wanted to adopt her we almost said no. We had never planned to adopt another child. However God orchestrated an elaborate plan for Emma-Grace to enter our lives (you can read the whole story on her caring bridge sitehttp://www.caringbridge.org/visit/emmagracecarpenter/mystory). When we found out about Emma we had 6 days to pray and decide as a family if we felt lead to take her. I had every intention on calling the adoption agency at lunch time on the final day and tell them we were not going to take her because we were still unsure. But at the last minute, “literally”, God said “you can save this little girl, she is yours”. It is amazing to me how much God is waiting to bless us if we just take that first step toward His will for our lives. Even though we only had Emma-Grace for 2 ½ years, we would say yes again tomorrow. She was truly what her name says “Grace”- a gift from God. I am so thankful we stepped out in faith and was able to enjoy the wonderful blessing that Emma-Grace was.

I continue to ask myself what is the next step in this process of recovering? How do we continue to pick up the broken pieces? Although there are no simple answers to those questions, I believe that there are some conscious choices we can make to help us with the process of healing. Grief, difficult as it may be, is necessary. Otherwise I don’t think you can move on. During our grief God is there to hold and comfort us if we only let him. Jesus said: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)


The waves of grief from Emma’s death will come and go, I am certain of that. The important part is to give into the waves when they come. We cannot receive the comfort God offers unless we allow ourselves to mourn. Grieve in your prayer time. Grieve with your family and friends. I think when people attempt to "get over" sad feelings too quickly, they shortcut the work that Jesus is trying to accomplish.

In Galatians 6:2 Paul said: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Oftentimes our pride prevents us from accepting support from others. Yet if we refuse help from others, then we prohibit them from fulfilling what they feel God is leading them to do to be of service. In difficult times, God sends people our way to assist in carrying our burdens. I know for me personally the last 6 months events have placed a tremendous burden on my heart. I have needed people to help shoulder my load. I feel it is a big mistake to isolate yourselves from others when you're going through a crisis. We all need other people in a tragedy. We need their perspective, we need their support, we need their encouragement, and sometimes we just need their presence. I thank everyone who has been here for the Carpenter family. Without you I think the waves of the ocean could have very well taken us under.

When Emma-Grace was sick I talked a lot about faith. We had faith that God was going to take care of Emma, and truthfully he took care of her in the best way possible. She is now fully whole. Jesus promised "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, `Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) Faith is facing the facts of life, and not being forever discouraged by them. That's what real faith is. It's not pretending everything is great or going to end up perfect. There are bad things in the world. And bad things do happen to good people, but faith is facing the facts and knowing that no matter what happens God is in control.  There's very little in life that we can control. In fact, I've discovered that the most important things in life are the very things we cannot control. Yet I remind myself daily that no matter what happens God holds the world and my life in his loving hands. So as the waves of life may push us around at times, keeping our eyes on our Savior Jesus Christ will help us keep our heads above the water.

"God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes, or the mountains fall into the sea." Psalms 46:2 

“The LORD above is mighty- mightier than the sound of raging water, mightier than the foaming waves of the sea.” Psalms 93:4

HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA-GRACE

Today Emma-Grace would have been turning 4 years old.  It is a bitter-sweet day for me.  I know she is happy, healthy and in the best place she could be.  I am glad she is no longer sick and in the hospital.  I imagine she is playing at the feet of Jesus.  Maybe, just maybe, she is being still long enough to sit in His lap.   And yet in my selfishness, today I wish I had her with me so that I could hold her on my lap and give her a birthday present.  I wish she was here so that she could eat all of the birthday cake she wanted.   I wish, I wish, I wish….  I could say it all day long and it would not change anything.  

The last 6 months have been, as I told someone yesterday, a nightmare.  It is still hard for me to believe my precious little girl is not here.  In my mind I keep thinking, "how did this happen?"  Children I have never met are in the obituary page of the paper, but not mine.  Which brings me to the, “how did we get here?” question.  As much as we don't want it to be, it is reality.  Our Emma-Grace is gone.  Even if we try to forget, we can’t because as a reminder of everything that has transpired, we have been in the process of dealing with hospital bills and insurance papers almost daily.  The after math of what feels like a cruel joke.  

I read in yesterday’s newspaper that a little boy who was 4 years old was beaten to death by his mother’s boyfriend.  How is that even possible?  How could anyone hurt a child?  An innocent child, who could no doubt, not defend himself against an adult.  How is that fair?  And where was his mom during this time?  It makes me wonder why some people even have children.  We loved our little Emma-Grace so much and yet she is no longer here.  I know God’s plans are perfect, but my “human” brain has such a hard time understanding some days.  As you can probably tell, I have a lot of questions to ask God when I get to Heaven.

 

One of the things we have done over the last two months is to decide on a headstone for Emma-Grace’s grave.  We wanted something unique.  Something that we felt would symbolize what a special little girl she was.  I will post a picture in a few months when it is delivered.  I think it is going to be beautiful and I think she will like it very much.  I once read that the most important thing on a headstone is the dash that is between the day you were born and the day you died.  Because that little dash represents the life you lived.  That tiny line may consist of only a few hours or a hundred years.  So in thinking about Emma-Grace’s “dash” I have been thinking about what my dash consist of.   

The Bible says we are to live a life that is pleasing to God.  I can say with all certainly that my life does not please Him at times.  Like the times I question His perfect plan for my life.  We know that God has a good plan for our lives and as Christians we are to commit to that and not settle for less than what he has for us. This truly takes faith because none of us can predict tomorrow.  When we experience the “valleys” of life it is so easy to question God’s intent for us.  We are to “be very careful how” we live. In order to live a life with true meaning, it is critical to depend on God’s strength and direction. God has the road map for the life of meaning that he has ordained for each of us.  Our job is to let Him be the compass for our map.  That is hard for control freaks like me. 

When we walk in God’s wisdom, we are “to be wise, making the most of every opportunity” (Ephesians 5:16). It is then, that we experience the true meaning of life.  Even more, as we embrace God’s purpose for our lives, we become positive influences in our jobs, families, churches, communities, and other areas of life.  As I have said before, that is easier said than done. 

In Psalm 46:10 it says “Be still, and know that I am God”.   This verse is the assurance of God’s presence in our lives if we allow Him to be.  In fact the whole chapter of Psalm 46 is a reminder that God is with us no matter what happens.  In the first section (vs. 1-3), there is an opening declaration that God is our refuge and strength; therefore, the Lord’s people need not fear even in the bleakest of circumstances.  In the second part (vs. 4-7), it says that God is the calm in the storm.  The last part (vs. 8-11) invites the people of God to consider God’s past interventions in the affairs of men as solid evidence of his abiding presence,  “The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress” (vs. 11).

Emma-Grace’s “dash” of life filled our family and those around her with beautiful memories.  I pray today that I am making the most of my “dash”.  Our Heavenly Father is interested in every aspect of our lives.  As I remember my precious little girl, I ask God for the wisdom I need as I proceed in all the areas of my life.  The most vital consideration however should not be my biological life, but my spiritual life.  So my question should not be “how did I get here?”, but “now that I am here, how can I use this difficult time in my life to glorify God”?   I think I need to work a little on my spiritual “dash”.   Today as I think about how my “dash” is affecting those around me, I think I will have a piece of birthday cake in honor of a little girl who has taught me so much from letting me be a part of her “dash”.