The last 6 months have been, as I told someone yesterday, a nightmare. It is still hard for me to believe my precious little girl is not here. In my mind I keep thinking, "how did this happen?" Children I have never met are in the obituary page of the paper, but not mine. Which brings me to the, “how did we get here?” question. As much as we don't want it to be, it is reality. Our Emma-Grace is gone. Even if we try to forget, we can’t because as a reminder of everything that has transpired, we have been in the process of dealing with hospital bills and insurance papers almost daily. The after math of what feels like a cruel joke.
I read in yesterday’s newspaper that a little boy who was 4 years old was beaten to death by his mother’s boyfriend. How is that even possible? How could anyone hurt a child? An innocent child, who could no doubt, not defend himself against an adult. How is that fair? And where was his mom during this time? It makes me wonder why some people even have children. We loved our little Emma-Grace so much and yet she is no longer here. I know God’s plans are perfect, but my “human” brain has such a hard time understanding some days. As you can probably tell, I have a lot of questions to ask God when I get to Heaven.
One of the things we have done over the last two months is to decide on a headstone for Emma-Grace’s grave. We wanted something unique. Something that we felt would symbolize what a special little girl she was. I will post a picture in a few months when it is delivered. I think it is going to be beautiful and I think she will like it very much. I once read that the most important thing on a headstone is the dash that is between the day you were born and the day you died. Because that little dash represents the life you lived. That tiny line may consist of only a few hours or a hundred years. So in thinking about Emma-Grace’s “dash” I have been thinking about what my dash consist of.
The Bible says we are to live a life that is pleasing to God. I can say with all certainly that my life does not please Him at times. Like the times I question His perfect plan for my life. We know that God has a good plan for our lives and as Christians we are to commit to that and not settle for less than what he has for us. This truly takes faith because none of us can predict tomorrow. When we experience the “valleys” of life it is so easy to question God’s intent for us. We are to “be very careful how” we live. In order to live a life with true meaning, it is critical to depend on God’s strength and direction. God has the road map for the life of meaning that he has ordained for each of us. Our job is to let Him be the compass for our map. That is hard for control freaks like me.
When we walk in God’s wisdom, we are “to be wise, making the most of every opportunity” (Ephesians 5:16). It is then, that we experience the true meaning of life. Even more, as we embrace God’s purpose for our lives, we become positive influences in our jobs, families, churches, communities, and other areas of life. As I have said before, that is easier said than done.
In Psalm 46:10 it says “Be still, and know that I am God”. This verse is the assurance of God’s presence in our lives if we allow Him to be. In fact the whole chapter of Psalm 46 is a reminder that God is with us no matter what happens. In the first section (vs. 1-3), there is an opening declaration that God is our refuge and strength; therefore, the Lord’s people need not fear even in the bleakest of circumstances. In the second part (vs. 4-7), it says that God is the calm in the storm. The last part (vs. 8-11) invites the people of God to consider God’s past interventions in the affairs of men as solid evidence of his abiding presence, “The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress” (vs. 11).
Emma-Grace’s “dash” of life filled our family and those around her with beautiful memories. I pray today that I am making the most of my “dash”. Our Heavenly Father is interested in every aspect of our lives. As I remember my precious little girl, I ask God for the wisdom I need as I proceed in all the areas of my life. The most vital consideration however should not be my biological life, but my spiritual life. So my question should not be “how did I get here?”, but “now that I am here, how can I use this difficult time in my life to glorify God”? I think I need to work a little on my spiritual “dash”. Today as I think about how my “dash” is affecting those around me, I think I will have a piece of birthday cake in honor of a little girl who has taught me so much from letting me be a part of her “dash”.
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