Several days as I sat on the beach I thought about the similarities of grieving and the ebb and flow of the tide. It has been amazing to me how grief affects me at times. It is very much like standing in the ocean. The water can be peaceful and calm and the next thing you know a big wave comes along and plows you down. Sometimes it can even knock the breath out of you. Each day my grief seems to be getting a little easier, but just when I think I have it all under control here comes another wave. It can last a few minutes and involve a just few tears or it can go on for hours and involve crying buckets.
I want to thank everyone for continuing to remember our family in your prayers. This has been by far the hardest thing we have ever faced. Emma-Grace was a gift from God. As Christians we can say all day long- “everything we have is God’s; including our children”. We even dedicate our children to God’s service. We did that with Emma-Grace after she came home from China. Actually acknowledging everything is God's is difficult because you know He gives you these "gifts", but you also know that He can take them away. We knew Emma-Grace was God’s child. We knew He entrusted our family to care for her while she was here on earth. However we could have never dreamed we would have to give her back to Him so soon.
I was telling someone today about how we almost missed the opportunity to have Emma-Grace as a part of our family. The day we were to let the adoption agency know if we wanted to adopt her we almost said no. We had never planned to adopt another child. However God orchestrated an elaborate plan for Emma-Grace to enter our lives (you can read the whole story on her caring bridge sitehttp://www.caringbridge.org/visit/emmagracecarpenter/mystory). When we found out about Emma we had 6 days to pray and decide as a family if we felt lead to take her. I had every intention on calling the adoption agency at lunch time on the final day and tell them we were not going to take her because we were still unsure. But at the last minute, “literally”, God said “you can save this little girl, she is yours”. It is amazing to me how much God is waiting to bless us if we just take that first step toward His will for our lives. Even though we only had Emma-Grace for 2 ½ years, we would say yes again tomorrow. She was truly what her name says “Grace”- a gift from God. I am so thankful we stepped out in faith and was able to enjoy the wonderful blessing that Emma-Grace was.
I continue to ask myself what is the next step in this process of recovering? How do we continue to pick up the broken pieces? Although there are no simple answers to those questions, I believe that there are some conscious choices we can make to help us with the process of healing. Grief, difficult as it may be, is necessary. Otherwise I don’t think you can move on. During our grief God is there to hold and comfort us if we only let him. Jesus said: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matthew 5:4)
The waves of grief from Emma’s death will come and go, I am certain of that. The important part is to give into the waves when they come. We cannot receive the comfort God offers unless we allow ourselves to mourn. Grieve in your prayer time. Grieve with your family and friends. I think when people attempt to "get over" sad feelings too quickly, they shortcut the work that Jesus is trying to accomplish.
In Galatians 6:2 Paul said: "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Oftentimes our pride prevents us from accepting support from others. Yet if we refuse help from others, then we prohibit them from fulfilling what they feel God is leading them to do to be of service. In difficult times, God sends people our way to assist in carrying our burdens. I know for me personally the last 6 months events have placed a tremendous burden on my heart. I have needed people to help shoulder my load. I feel it is a big mistake to isolate yourselves from others when you're going through a crisis. We all need other people in a tragedy. We need their perspective, we need their support, we need their encouragement, and sometimes we just need their presence. I thank everyone who has been here for the Carpenter family. Without you I think the waves of the ocean could have very well taken us under.
When Emma-Grace was sick I talked a lot about faith. We had faith that God was going to take care of Emma, and truthfully he took care of her in the best way possible. She is now fully whole. Jesus promised "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, `Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) Faith is facing the facts of life, and not being forever discouraged by them. That's what real faith is. It's not pretending everything is great or going to end up perfect. There are bad things in the world. And bad things do happen to good people, but faith is facing the facts and knowing that no matter what happens God is in control. There's very little in life that we can control. In fact, I've discovered that the most important things in life are the very things we cannot control. Yet I remind myself daily that no matter what happens God holds the world and my life in his loving hands. So as the waves of life may push us around at times, keeping our eyes on our Savior Jesus Christ will help us keep our heads above the water.
"God is our protection and our strength. He always helps in times of trouble. So we will not be afraid even if the earth shakes, or the mountains fall into the sea." Psalms 46:2
“The LORD above is mighty- mightier than the sound of raging water, mightier than the foaming waves of the sea.” Psalms 93:4
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