NEW BLOG

Hello to friends and family,
 As most of you know our little Emma-Grace passed away on May 13, 2011.  During her illness I tried to write daily to update everyone on her condition and share my feelings, frustrations.  I also tried to share with everyone what God was teaching me throughout the experience.  As hard as all of that was, it taught me a lot and helped me deal from day to day with the situation.  Now I find myself in another phase of life - The life of a grieving mom. 

Many of you have e-mailed and ask if I was going to keep writing.  First of all, you should all know, I am not a writer.  Ask any of my old English teachers and they will confirm this.  If you read any of my post you probably realize I am not a writer fairly quickly.  But, I can share what's on my heart.  I did find sharing kept me focused on what is important- and that is God and not LaLisa.  So with that said, I am going to start this blog to help me with my grieving process and to keep me focused.  I will probably not update daily, but as time allows. 

I thought an appropriate place to start this blog is by posting the last caring bridge post. 
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/emmagracecarpenter/journal

• Monday, May 16, 2011 10:26 AM, EDT

I wanted to write one last entry to Emma-Grace's Caring Bridge.  The past 13 weeks have been a blur.  At the very beginning I remember thinking, "How did we get here?"  Today I am having the same thoughts but in a different context. I had "heard" of other people who had lost a child and had always thought to myself "I cannot imagine how hard that would be."  Now I know.  It is indeed heart-breaking.  However, as much as we love Emma-Grace, I would not bring her back for anything.  I never wanted her to die.  I never wanted to be sitting here talking about grieving the fact that I will never get to hold her again this side of Heaven.  I would have rather be writing about her healing.

I had mentioned before that I am a planner.  Many of us plan out our lives in our heads. I am one of those people.  Our plans look just right with all of the pieces in place.  Our picture would probably look something like a Thomas Kinkade painting; serene and beautiful.  But, of course as we all know life is not always like that.    

Most of us, if we live long enough, will face a time in our life when what we see before us resembles something more like the aftermath of an explosion than that beautiful painting.  I am seeing that now.  With the many "things" we gathered along the way after being in the hospital for 13 weeks in various area of the house waiting to be put away.  Emma-Grace's toys of course are still literally everywhere.  You can't walk through a room without seeing her. 

I mentioned several days ago that my favorite Bible verse is Jeremiah 29:11.  "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  God did have plans for Emma-Grace.  She was a ray of sunshine wherever she went.  There was not a person she was around that she did not touch in a positive way.  We only had her for 2 1/2 precious years, but we would adopt her again tomorrow even if we knew this is how her story was going to end.  She impacted our family in a way that only Emma-Grace could. 

The Bible tells us, "The ways of the Lord are right" (Hosea 14:9) How is the loss of a child "right"?  I can’t explain that one.  I do know that I have heard over and over how much everyone loved Emma-Grace and how much her little life changed them.  I know her passing will also affect each one of us in different ways.  Our family will always have beautiful memories of Emma-Grace.  She was forever saying the cutest things.  One of her favorite things to say after taking a bath was "look at me, now I am all sparkly".  I would bet she is all sparkly in heaven with a glorious set of sparking angel wings.  I am sure she loves that.

Losing Emma-Grace was not in our plans.  But God knew even before she was born, her life story.  He knew she was going to pass away on May 13, 2011.  He held her little life in His hands.  Now He is literally holding her in His arms in heaven.  Although, I am not sure how much he will get to hold her.  I can imagine she is running, playing and talking to everyone she is meeting in heaven. 

I said earlier that I would much rather be writing about her healing.   But in all reality I am writing about her healing.  We prayed for miracle, and God did perform a miracle.  Emma-Grace's little body is now whole.  She is not hooked up to a ventilator or IVs any longer.  Her life is now that beautiful water colored painting.  She is surrounded by glorious visions that we can't even imagine.     

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and support during this time difficult time of illness and loss.  We don't have to worry about Emma-Grace any longer because she is in the best place she can be- in the present of Jesus.  And as a Christian I know that this is not the last time I will see her.  I imagine one day when I get to heaven she will be standing at the gates waiting on me saying, "Hold me mommy, hold me".     

·         Revelation 21:4-7

4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

 5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

 6 He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7 Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children."